I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
