Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Can vaginas get frostbite?
How does one acquire holy water?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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