Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
