Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
