i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
