yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
