we made out on top of his cat.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
