yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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