i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
