Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
