omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
