I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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