i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
