Please, let me fuck your mom
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
