Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
