sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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