My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
