We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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