He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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