Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
