im about as happy as oj after his trial
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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