totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
