You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
