Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
