Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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