btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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