No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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