I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
