I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
