I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you didnt know i had herpes?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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