I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
