Don't you send me to vm
Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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