Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
