Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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