So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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