He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
