Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
