it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
