she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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