i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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