for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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