the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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