I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
