I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize