Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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