Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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