he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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