I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
