i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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