ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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