Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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