i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
