you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
