Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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