guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
