I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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