Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
