bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
