Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hippo gnu deer
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
