Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
