Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
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