we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
