Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize