Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
