My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
