I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just want nice things and good sex
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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