So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
