The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
