apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
