I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
false alarm. still invincible.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
