Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
