The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
