Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just cropdusted the office
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
