Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
