note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
