The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
