i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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