you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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