no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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