sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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