she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
