Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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