i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
