He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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