you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
