I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize