she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
