people are starting to question the shark bite story
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
