he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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