I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Help. Why am I so naked?
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