# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the condom got lost in my hair
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
it's great music for shaving your balls
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
